For some reason yesterday morning I could not go to the memorial service/wake for my Ex. I woke up yesterday morning fully intending to drive to Austin for the event. I was dizzy, had a peculiarly flat affect, started packing, went to get Tex up, and had one of the strangest emotional meltdowns I have had since leaving my 2's. I ended up being able to talk some with the ever-patient, ever-loving Tex who helped me clarify it a little bit. Talked to my kids, then spent the morning curled up in my chair, and later going back to bed. I woke up about 4 PM and felt quite ok. It was not a grief reaction for the Ex, although I'm not quite sure what it was. Something about not being willing to put myself through any more pain, both physical and emotional? The sobbing might have been a grief reaction for myself? All I know is that it was powerful with a capital P!
God bless Tex for loving me through one of the weirder days of my life; God bless my kids who were understanding. God bless Ex for helping me create and raise these two fabulous grown-up children, moving me to Texas, and divorcing me so that I could marry the most truly loving man that anyone could ever hope for.
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((((SW)))))
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