Cold morning

After a week of warm weather, we had a "Texas blue norther" blow in. Freezing temps with a strong cold wind which makes the clouds look blue-gray. Ah, I'm glad to have typical winter weather back, although the blooming pear and plum trees are going to be pretty miffed.

Also in the way of good news, my cousin survived and was transported to an out of town psychiatric hospital where they are actually treating her depression and tremors simultaneously! Evidently, that never occurred to her docs in the little Missouri town where she lives... I find that I am very angry, a little at my cousin but very little, and a lot at the docs who thought they could get her off anti-depressants without treating her tremors. Her neurologist is out of town until May!
I am concerned that her speech problems indicate some brain damage, though, although I think speech therapy can help out a lot with that.

There have been several good long conversations with her husband, who is being an absolute rock throughout all of this, thoughtful, loving, and absolutely aware of his own reactions. What a hard time for the whole family. I appreciate the prayers for Elaine, Terry, and Kelly as well as for our family. It is amazing what the prescence of support does!

Help!

Please pray HARD for my cousin Elaine, her husband Terry, and her daughter Kelly. Elaine is in an ICU bed fighting for a life she is pretty sure she does not want. She has struggled with depression for many years, complicated by severe tremors of the head and arms. Her local doctors have pretty much given up on being able to help her so she tried to help herself out of this life. She took a 3-month supply of pills all at once. She is just kind of holding her own at this time.

This is my beautiful sister/cousin who believes in God and in Jesus but is no longer able to stand the pain of her life. All of our lives, Elaine and I have seemed to live parallel lives, ones in which we understood each other better than anyone else on earth. We named our daughters for each other, dealt with depressions at the same time, even cut our hair in the same style at the same time although we lived thousands of miles apart. Even though we did not always make the same choices, we always understood how it was that the other made that choice.

Elaine is a precious, precious child of God who feels like she has no hope in this life. Please pray that she is surrounded by love and hope. I have noticed in this life that sometimes we have to hold the hope for those who feel that there is none.
Please God, bless my Lanie! Bless my Lanie! Bless Lanie!

20 Years Ago

It has been 20 years since I met the Native Texan who has so transformed my life! I really can not believe that time could go by so quickly. We married 19 years ago on this coming Tuesday. Little did I know 20 years ago today that my life was going to change in such a profound and wonderful way. Despite the ups and downs of illness, job woes, etc., he still keeps on truckin' and keeps on loving the people in his life in such a magical fashion. Tex's health may be fragile, but his spirit is strong and vital; and he blesses my life each and every day.

Ice Day!

The Big Ice Storm hit the R&R Ranch. The Great University cancelled my classes yesterday, which was bad for the lesson planning but kind of good for the soul. Since our area does not invest in ice&snow equiptment the whole area shuts down for bad weather. I got to go have a leisurely visit with a neighbor down the street, and only fell down once! Skinned knee, but easily worth the price. This morning the ice is worse but supposed to go away during the day. I don't have any classes scheduled today but need to prepare for tomorrow's. Oh well, if I can't get in today, I'll just have to get up really early tomorrow.

Today is the day that my Dear Friend/Neighbor comes over for coffee so I had better get it made!

Thoughts while walking

Well, the first week of school is over. It went pretty well although the Great University expects me to fit 29 students into a room with only 23 chairs! So I had students sitting on the floor - of course, they say they will move more chairs in by next week...

I got a lovely friends tag from Elastigirl which I would love to put on my website, if only I could figure out how. Thanks, EG.

We have had high 70's/low 80's temperatures in Texas in January...very weird! But as I took a walk this morning I was able to contemplate the reality of Love. I hope that my children know that God loves them exactly as they are right now, that they don't have to do anything to earn it. This took me a long time to learn. I know now that love is a free gift that can never be earned-my life with Tex taught me that. The only thing I can do in return is to be appreciative and grateful for it. Some love lasts forever and some love can be killed over time. The love that lasts is to be treasured and the love that dims or dies is to be appreciated for the gifts and lessons that it brought. But the only thing that makes us truly happy is the love that we give and are given.

These are not new or original thoughts but they are life-giving ones when truly absorbed.

PS

In Fr. Court's sermon on the Lord's calling to Samuel, he said that God calls out to us as well. It reminded me that as I lay in bed yesterday before rising in the morning I had said "Be it unto me...etc." Maybe all that weirdness was the Lord saying quite loudly, "Don't go." Ya think?

Weird Day

For some reason yesterday morning I could not go to the memorial service/wake for my Ex. I woke up yesterday morning fully intending to drive to Austin for the event. I was dizzy, had a peculiarly flat affect, started packing, went to get Tex up, and had one of the strangest emotional meltdowns I have had since leaving my 2's. I ended up being able to talk some with the ever-patient, ever-loving Tex who helped me clarify it a little bit. Talked to my kids, then spent the morning curled up in my chair, and later going back to bed. I woke up about 4 PM and felt quite ok. It was not a grief reaction for the Ex, although I'm not quite sure what it was. Something about not being willing to put myself through any more pain, both physical and emotional? The sobbing might have been a grief reaction for myself? All I know is that it was powerful with a capital P!

God bless Tex for loving me through one of the weirder days of my life; God bless my kids who were understanding. God bless Ex for helping me create and raise these two fabulous grown-up children, moving me to Texas, and divorcing me so that I could marry the most truly loving man that anyone could ever hope for.