Pick a Path, Any Path...

This week I received word that my old boyfriend, the one I almost married, has terminal kidney cancer and is on hospice. My ex-husband also has terminal cancer, and he is on hospice care. My dear husband Tex has a chronic and serious illness and is on home health care. OK, I get it Lord, any path I picked was going to lead me to be a caregiver at this time in my life! All of the men in my life are happy with their current wives. The Ex has written beautifully about his love for his wife, and I am so happy that he has found joy with her. The boyfriend who has always classified himself as a Seeker, appears to have found a steady, clear-headed woman to be his "tie-down." Tex and I have a deep, joyful love that is more than I could have ever imagined existed. We all came through the tumults ending up in the best of all possible places. But I still think it is ironic that no matter which man I ended up with, I would now be a caregiver to a man with life-threatening health issues.

A young woman whom I met with two weeks ago was killed by her separated husband this week. He also killed her mother. Jan Carroll had taken every possible precaution, she had a supportive family who tried to protect her as best they could, she had prosecuted him through every assault and reported every threat. Still, he killed her, her mother, and himself. She was the friend and mentor to my young student who had spent the last three months with her. My student is devastated, Jan's friends and family are bereft and still reeling. It is a reminder to me that the issue of domestic violence is very real and sometimes fatal. It is spurring me to start working in that area. I brought it up in our department meeting yesterday and another professor and I are going to put together a seminar for our students on the topic.

Tex remains very frail and I am noticing how the fall at the El Chico's has taken out of him. He just doesn't have much energy at all. Sometimes I wonder how much longer I have left to be with him here on Earth. Since I can't know the answer to that, I will just treasure the time we have.

This has been such a week of sadness and weariness for me. The semester will be over a month from now, and I am going to take several weeks off.