Stronger at the Broken Places

Sometime back about 34 years ago, I was still married to the Ex. We were at very different stages of life. He was into his Don Juan stage while I was playing Mother Hubbard popping out babies. Or as he put it one time, he "was a professional trouble-maker" and I "was a professional trouble-fixer." Yeah, he was a union organizer and I was a social worker even then. Needless to say, we split up. But the one thing we did agree on was that we were both good parents and did not want our kids to have to choose one parent over the other. So we wrote our divorce settlement with joint custody long before it was fashionable. Very quickly after the divorce, he added the Stepmother (an honorable title in our family) to the parental mix. She loved my kids and they grew to love her. Fifteen years later, I brought Tex into the group. Tex had raised his own kids by then and knew how to be a great friend and stepfather to mine.

We didn't do everything right, that's for sure. He played "Disneyland Dad" more than I liked, and I bore the brunt of the work of kid-raising , brush your teeth, did you do your homework?, how did you lose just one of another pair of socks at your Dad's?, of course you can jump in bed with Mommy during thunderstorms, hugs and kisses kind of thing. The truth is that we both played to our long suits and enjoyed our roles.

I certainly misjudged the Ex's ability to be a good husband at the time, but I was absolutely dead on in picking the father for my children. I knew how to nurture and to work hard, and he knew how to play and have fun, which are all traits children need to have in abundance. Not the most conventional family structure but Bud and Lawyer Girl both thrived. They have grown up into really great people who are supportive of both their parents. I guess we really did grow stronger at our broken places.