Thursday, March 27, 2008

Easter Season

Easter Day was wonderful! I walked to the lake and saw the sunrise - and to think that God does that every day without my help! Then breakfast brunch and church with Bird Girl, then down to Dallas for the Littlest Cowpoke's neighborhood Easter parade. 'Poke was Batman, riding in the Super Heroes float and so very proud. Soon it was time to go have Easter Dinner with the Littlest 'Poke's other set of grandparents and their family. The Texan had a grand time as did I!

No news on the Ex's medical condition. They are in a holding pattern right now while they await reports back from the surgical teams in Dallas and Houston.

Well, it has been back to work this week after the best Spring Break ever. We stayed home, did a lot of small things around the house, and got me to wishing for retirement even more than I already am. Easter is the season of New Life - wonder what is in store for us at the Ranch?

Friday, March 21, 2008

Good Friday

Holy Week has been a little different here at the R Ranch. We did not attend Maundy Thursday or the Prayer Vigil this year; the Texan was tired after we had kept the Littlest Cowpoke whose preschool was on the same Spring Break schedule as the one that Socialworker's School of Higher Eddification scheduled.

Lots of fun with the Littlest 'Poke. I had a legitimate reason to see "Horton Hears a Who", which was one of my most favorite books of Dr. Seuss. The L.'Poke only got scared once during the movie and pronounced it "great!" Score one for Grandma Socialworker. He was an absolute angel the whole time he was here, with the exception of one 5 minute sulk. Thank goodness for that; I was afraid he was getting too perfect for a 4 year old!

It turns out that the RR bunch is not coming to the Ranch after all this Easter. What a bummer! The Texan and I were really looking forward to seeing them. But we will spend Easter Morning with our Bird Girl which will be highly enjoyable.

Lots of telephone calls to and from Lawyer Girl who is bearing the brunt of the Ex's illness. She is, of course, doing all that she can for the Ex and the Stepmother. She is also making a huge committment to her Virus Researcher Guy in that they are buying a house together. When I asked if that meant they were thinking about getting married, she replied "Oh, mother! I'm not ready to get married. I've been married before; this is a MUCH bigger committment!" Oh, this younger generation! I have to remember that her ex-husband took his marriage very lightly, and left for Italy when Meg wanted to buy a house and settle in Austin. (events slightly scrambled but nevertheless essentially true.) VR Guy is a really great guy who told SW that LG "was the light of his life." So I can't be too upset. God bless them and keep them, please.

We are going to Good Friday service tonight, then the Texan can rest on Saturday, and we will have our Easter doings. I hate to think that this wonderful break will be over by Monday.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

My Father and Mother Were Wandering Arameans...

It seems as though there is lots of inner movement going on within me. I've had deeply satisfying telephone conversation with both the Ex and his wife. Come to find out, his cancer is reeeeally rare - epstein-barr viral leiomyosarcoma, only about 20 cases or so have been reported. In some ways it is more treatable than the regular kind, but after surgery, it will be trying to balance the need for immunosuppressant drugs vs the need for antiviral ones. It was nice to talk with them without feeling that I had to protect myself at the same time.

The "Killer God" that was the deity of my childhood has been replaced with the Person of Jesus. When the concepts of the "Killer God" and the "Fake-em-out Jesus" were named and seen for what they were - false gods - I have been able to give up most of my fears about the end of the world and the state of the world as it is now. C.S. Lewis says in "The Great Divorce" that the gray city can either be seen as Hell or Purgatory depending on the direction you are heading. So, I think that the world now will be either seen as the beginning glimpses of Heaven or as the training ground of Hell. If the Real Jesus of the New Testament is truly as soul-freeing as I am perceiving, then this world can truly be the possibility of the glimpse of Heaven.

Along with this, I have become keenly aware of the soul-deadening qualities of patriarchy in this world. The prevalence of prostitution of women, both legal and illegal, the fight in the Episcopal Church over the ordination of women, and the demonization of women in cultures throughout the world, including our own, are truly evils in this world. I have been reading The Dance of the Dissidant Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd, and it has focused my thinking. I have no need to leave the Church as she did over patriarchy. Nor do I think that Goddess-worship is ultimately much improvement. God is truly neither male, nor female, but incorporates them both and transcends them.

What has become apparent to me is that I need a spiritual director/mentor/friend who can help me explore this new territory that I am moving into. When the need is there, one will arise. "Come, Lord Jesus. Fill the hearts of your faithful..."

Friday, March 14, 2008

Hey, it worked!

After multiple tries, I finally got the RevGals Ring information to post! Hurrah for the web-challenged! Who knows, someday I might even figure out how to post a picture.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Rolling Away the Stone

I was struck by the sermon Elastigirl gave on Sunday, challenging us to roll away the stone in front of our secret dark areas in order to let Jesus Christ walk in and make it clean. Immediately, I knew what area of my life needs to have the Light of Christ deal with the anger, shame, jealousy, and victim stance. Visualized opening that cave for Him to deal with...No huge changes noticed but just the knowledge that I can not deal with it alone, and I no longer have to...oddly enough, just the visualization that the cave is now empty and clean. What a blessing!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Random thoughts

It has been a beautiful Texas late winter day - with sunshine and temperature in the 60's. Cold front and rain tomorow. Oh well, we don't get bored with our weather this time of year! (Just in the blistering summer.)

Our rector has been nominated for suffragan bishop - he would be great for the diocese but such a loss to my parish! The Holy Spirit will no doubt sort this one out. He has been my parish priest for over 16 years, been through the good and the bad with the Texan and me. It sure would be hard to get used to a new priest, but I know that it will have to be done sooner or later.

Thanks to Elastigirl's Mr. Incredible for his help in understanding the Ex's medical condition. I passed his information and recommendation on to my wonderful Lawyer Girl who is the Kid on Location with this one.

The Texan did absolutely fabulous at church today - no walker even! But he has slept the entire afternoon away so has taken in no water this afternoon. One of my jobs is being Keeper of the Water Intake. Enough water in, bladder healthy; not enough, risk of making another ER room visit. Drink, Drink, keep Drinking!

Enough of being indoors. I am going to take the little bitty Guard Dogs for a walk.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Snow Day!

Here in Texas we deal with snow by pretending that it is catastrophic and shutting everything down. Evidently it is cheaper to do this than to buy snow plows, snow melting products etc. We had a whale of a snowstorm yesterday! Thunder, 6-9 inches of snow in Denton County, blinding snow, etc. I left right after my class about 12:45, headed onto the freeway, and travelled home at about 15 miles per hour on the normally frantic interstate. No accidents, just folks driving carefully on the snow.
We love snow days in Texas; they are always an unexpected treat for someone who is considerd "nonessential personnel."

So the Texan gets to sleep late this morning with our dogs snuggled in with him; our caregiver is stuck at her other job; I get to play on the computer; and life is good. Thank you for all your prayers for the Ex et al.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Prayers Please!

I found out yesterday that my ex-husband has been diagnosed with spindle cell carcinoma, which means that he has four or five very large cancerous tumors throughout his body. He is in a great deal of pain. He had a heart transplant 7 years ago and had done extremely well. However, because of the immunosupressant drugs he needed, he was much more vulnerable to cancer. He meets with the oncologist today to see what they recommend. Please pray for Scott, his wife Gail, and our children Ben and Meghan. He is an important member of our family.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Relief, maybe?

Today I talked to my direct supervisor and asked to be relieved of one course this fall. I am already carrying more courses than other university liaisons in Texas and it was doable for the first few years. I have struggled with it but it is no longer doable once they doubled the size of the class. I have had health issues for the last two fall semesters and don't want one this fall. My supervisor said she would do what she could to relieve me. Here's hoping (fingers crossed).

This evening I am going to go caucus for my candidate. I love it when my vote can count twice!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Praying for Guidance

I have come to a realization that I no longer have much enthusiasm for my job, nor does it seem likely that I will regain it. Enthusiasm is necessary since a very important part of the job is to recruit new social workers into working for CPS. I have been highly effective in the past, but not for the last year or so. Although this position pays extremely well and has great flexibility, I do not feel that I am wise to keep on going. I have had several health-related issues in the past 18 months, which seem to indicate that I need to leave the pressure of this behind. On the other hand, I have set my finances up in such a way that I will work for 3-4 more years. My working has allowed me some freedom in that I can afford a caregiver for the Texan 5 mornings a week. I cannot trade the pressure of working for the pressure of having his fulltime care and feeling trapped. That is not good for our marriage. So...what to do? Just naming the problem is a first step. Please pray for guidance for me, and that God will make my path clear.