Saturday, December 19, 2009

Somber Advent

This entire advent season has been a hard road, with Tex being in three hospitals, one rehab center, and he will most likely be going to a skilled nursing facility this week before Christmas. His level of alertness is up and down and all around - after two absolutely clear days he was totally confused for the last two. Sometimes I can handle it all, and sometimes I can't. My Dearly Beloved Cousin called this week and gave me a wonderful gift of Words and Tears. Now, I can sometimes cry when I realize that he is so very ill. I had nursed a secret hope that he might be strong enough to come home for the day on Christmas, but I doubt that can happen now. All I can really say is, "Lord, be mericiful."

This is A Hard Season for so many people I know. But the donkey trudges on to Bethlehem, and Christ will be born on Christmas Eve. Hallelujah!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

home or Home? Or, maybe, someplace else.

After I spent timelooking into Rehabs & skilled nursing facilities, it looks like Tex will be going to a Long Term Acute Care facility for a couple more weeks of IV antibiotic therapy. Hopefully, they can also build up his ability to swallow and take in enough liquids by mouth. Then maybe to a rehab facility where they can build up his muscles (and level of alertness) to where he can come home? I really have to face the fact that I don't know what is going to happen, and leave him in the Hands of God. I really don't like that! I want to be in charge! My prayer has been to "heal him, Lord, so he can come home - or - just take him Home. None of this long-term care stuff!" Sometimes God says, "my time is not your time." I'm not too crazy about that answer but it seems to be what I am seeing take place.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Advent- the time of coming

Advent is the time of "coming." I am now a little bit hopeful that Fred will get back from his 2nd hospitalization with this round of illness (in Lewisville Med Center this time), and will "come" back to rehab for a period of strengthening, and will "come home" in time for Christmas. He is responding in his more usual way to the antibiotics and hydration that he is receiving this time after his kidneys began to shut down in rehab. I think that he needed this extra round in the hospital to give him a chance to beat down this particular infection. I truly have been much more calm since he went into the hospital on Wednesday. He is "coming back to himself" instead of having his mind wander in the ozone constantly. He can even crack a few jokes again! Thank you for all your prayers.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Fred is a little bit better today, thanks be to God!

Thanksgiving 2009

What a different Thanksgiving! Woke up and gave thanks for many things, from the blessings of electricity to taking an early morning walk with my dear Neighbor Friend. Then went to the Rehab Center to be with Tex, who is worse than I have ever seen him. I fought tears. Then Tex's beautiful daughter Bird Girl and her husband came. Bird G. is so wonderful with her Daddy that I was touched. Also very thankful that she had invited me to share in her sister-in-law's Thanksgiving dinner. Saw Tex again last night and think that we may have to move him to a hospital. Big quandry for me is whether to move him to a neighborhood suburban hospital where his doctors know him and I can get to it, or to a downtown hospital which has more resources but where they do not know him and is very hard for me to get to. Please, God, help me to make the right decision. I love Tex so much but he is suffering so very much. Lord have mercy on Tex and alleviate his suffering.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Adios, mi Compadre

It seems like a long time since I have updated this blog. Once we got back from the cruise, it took over a week to get through the profound fatigue that I had absorbed from the trip. It was a great trip, nice to know that we can travel that way, but I really need an extra person along so that I can get away for a few minutes.

Then it seemed that we were into the world where we lost our Compadre, the father of the Beautiful Daughter-in-law. He was diagnosed two months ago with liver cancer, had surgery which failed, then went into hospice, and died this Monday. Yesterday, I went down to the Spanish-speaking rosary which was held for him. It was a beautiful service, very moving, which from my poor translation, seemed to be asking Mary, the Mother of Jesus, to care for her son JP. Let Light Perpetual shine upon him.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Back from the Cruise

Tex and I had a great time on our cruise out of Galveston. Spent lots of great together time on the ship since he did not trust his scooter skills on the mainland. (He drives his scooter just like he drives a car, only the crashes are not deadly!) We are very tired but were delighted to find that he can travel this way. Lots of love to all.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Thanks be to God!

My son, who had survived five rounds of layoffs, was laid off one week after his wife went back to work after the new baby,. He maintained a very positive attitude, and got right to work getting out resumes, networking etc. Yesterday, he was hired for a new job, less than two weeks after he became unemployed. Hallelujah! Thanks be to God!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

B Minor Mass

After 2 hours of sectional rehearsal yesterday, it actually seems possible that I might be able to sing the alto part in Bach's B Minor Mass! I'm not there yet, but I might actually get there. Our choir director is an amazing teacher and amazingly patient as well. Gulp, next week there are rehearsals at the other church with the other choir director. I am trying to get my nerve up to go in for a private lesson before next week. Oh, but the Mass is absolutely beautiful music!

Friday, September 4, 2009

With only one wing

Here is a quotation that I lifted from MB. It describes my view of life perfectly.

"We are, each of us, angels with only one wing;
and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Luciano de Crescenzo

It is on the days when I feel most alone that I am grounded in the muck. The days that I embrace my situation and those around me are the days I can fly. Being a caregiver often seems very isolating, even isolating me from the beloved for whom I caring. I fight self-pity at times, and become critical of him. I long for the responsibility to be lifted yet I know that I would be devastated should that happen. Today I want a miracle so that he will be restored to the vigor of the man I married. Today I will embrace him as he is and be grateful for the days we have together. We fly together.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Contentment as the Season Changes.

Contentment is floating outside in the pool, looking at the shades of green in the trees that surround the pool. It is that wonderful time of year when it has started to cool off just a bit, and the leaves are not yet falling by the hundreds of thousands into said pool. Looking at the patterns on sunlight on the leaves while floating in my Cleopatra Queen of the Nile seat is almost guaranteed to bring peace to the soul. All I could think about was thanking God for his gift of creation. It was almost too beautiful!

Tomorrow brings the busyness of a new semester although I don't actually teach until Wednesday morning. It has been a slowed-down summer with visits from and to family, and relatively good health for Tex. The Little Cowpoke starts his journey into Kindergarten tomorrow, a big step for him. In three more weeks I will start my new baby-sitting gig on Mondays in East Dallas, in which I will enjoy snuggling, and changing diapers for the baby with the cutest cheeks ever, also known as the Baby Celtic Cowpoke. (His name is Spanish for Celt!) I do love being a Nonna.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Back from Cool Country

I'm back from 5 blissful days in the cool Colorado high mesa area, where I enjoyed the fabulous hospitality of my brother and sister-in-law. Just rested, enjoyed the cool temps and the love of family. It was just what the spirit needed.

Tex did pretty darn well in my absence, thanks to caregivers and our beloved Bird Girl. And I was sooo ready to see him when I returned! Being a caregiver to a beloved husband can be really draining at times, but it is God's gift to me that we have had these past 3 years together (and, hopefully, many more to come.)

Lots of catch-up details to do, as well as cuddles with Tex and dogs. The start of the new semester is right around the corner...

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


It is HOT! And I'm going to cool off tomorrow. Dryheat Dan and Irish Ani, here I come.
Tex will stay here with the Tiny Tibetan Terrors, caregivers and friends checking in. Keep prayers going. I have some trepidation but he seems ok and really wants to do it this way.
My Beloved Cousin and her husband just left yesterday. She is sooo much improved.
Baby Brudder Billy turned 55 today.
Met with the rest of the Pastoral Care group and the new Deacon last night. I am hopeful.
The new semester starts three weeks from tomorrow. I am not ready for it to be here so soon.
So long 102 temperature; 49 degree lows I embrace you!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

A Loving and Lovely Intervention

Last week at church two friends noticed that I was a little ragged behind the eyes, and asked me how long it had been since I had taken even a brief break from caregiving. I realized that the answer was over seven months! No wonder I was feeling grumpy! So they performed the most wonderful, caring intervention on Wednesday morning, complete with frittata and homemade scones and homemade jam, strongly suggesting that I needed a break. The food was yummy and the caring oh so lovely! I did call Tex's daughter Bird Girl who agreed to take him for a weekend. I am going to a hotel and just vegging! What a lovely prospect. Then I am hopefully giong to see Dryheat Dan and Irish Ani for a few days, where it is even cooler than our usual July 103. With the prospects of a few days off here and there, Tex has a much more even-tempered Socialworker. Sometimes the caregiver needs care.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Definition of "cockles of the heart"

Thanks to my dear friend Mrs. Brit, I now know that "cockles" refer to the chambers of a kiln, as applied to the chambers of the heart, 2 atria and 2 ventricles. As we get all warm and glow-y from the good feelings, so the chambers of the kiln get very warm etc.

It is hot, hot, hot here at the R & R Ranch. Lazing in the pool with a book and a large glass of ice tea weather. I have to watch Tex closely if he is out at all as his body does not cool him off much. No special plans for the 4th, just so Tex can stay in the air conditioning, and I can have my cold glass of summer wine. My celebration is my special time with the Little Cowpoke at the theatre performance of "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." Stay cool and celebrate, my dear friends.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Cockles of the Heart

This weekend I got to experience one of the ongoing joys of my life - seeing both of my adult children together with with their families. It reminds me that these kids who fought each other all through their childhood have now become adults who like each other. It just warms the "cockles" of my heart (does anyone know what a cockle of the heart actually is?) And the boys were their usually great selves. I am hoping to get tickets today to take the older one to see a musical version of "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." Itty bitty Cowpoke would rather attach to his Mom's boob and sleep, his two favorite activities.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

News Bulletins

News bulletins:
1. Tex is slow recovering from his wounds. So much so that he has been voluntarily using his walker inside the house. It hurts to see him hurting physically and emotionally.
2. Baby Gaelito is just doing beautifully, gaining weight and smiling at his Nonna.
3. It is hotter than blue blazes here this week.
4. Lawyer Girl and her Scientist Fella are coming into town today to meet the Baby Cowpoke.
5. Life is GOOD!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Reporting from the Home Front

Tex took quite a tumble last night, falling on the concrete outside of our church. His knees are banged up, and his pinkie is swollen, but no broken bones or head injuries, thank you God! We are having trouble getting his blood pressure regulated - his is too low. Hopefully, we will get this all straightened out in the next few days. Please say a prayer for Tex.

The Baby Cowpoke is all home from the hospital and doing nicely. Such a pretty baby!
The Little Cowpoke is being a good big brother, after getting his reassurances from his family that they all still loved Him very, very much. It is so inspiring to see your kids be really good parents!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Welcome to the World Little Bitty Cowpoke!!!

My son called me this morning, happy with laughter in his voice...I'm a new Grandma all over again! The Tiny Cowpoke arrived about 3 AM this morning, all 5 lb 10 oz of him, just 12 hours after his Baby Shower. My Beautiful Daughter-in-law is doing well, as is the 5 weeks early little guy. I think I am going to Dallas today to meet this eagerly awaited bundle of love, what do you say?

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

This and That

There has been too much going on at the R&R Ranch to sit down and blog about it. One important event has been Tex's (and his twin brother's) 75th birthdays. Bird Girl organized a nice family celebration at Celebration where brothers and sisters, and "their cousins and aunts" gathered to wish the birthday boys well. Tex was touched by all the fuss. Then we got to watch the Middle Grandson play in a tennis tournament the next morning!

Right before the party, I went to the funeral of a young man who was a close friend of my children. I had just seen him two weeks earlier. Please pray for him, Ted, and his wife, Rachel, and children Cameron, 4 and Gabby, 2. I saw all the now mid 30year old adults who used to come in and out of my house when they were teenagers. They have grown up so well, now with families of their own. I thank God for all the help He gave us as they were growing up; we sure did something right.

Tex and I had gone to New Braunfels for my annual contract conference, visiting with Lawyer Girl and her fella, for a night on the way. Even stopped at my favorite clothing store's outlet for a few bargains. Tex did really well and we had a good break from our regular routine.

Choir is out for the summer but not before we did a gorgeous piece of Mozart that warmed my heart and toes! There is something so grand and full of worship about his Masses!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Citizen Soldiers

It is Memorial Day weekend, perhaps our greatest National holiday. There is much more hoopla for 4th of July, little kids love it for the fireworks. Memorial Day is a thoughtful day for the adults of our country, only celebrated by some parades, and concerts, and a day off of work for some. I find that the older I get, the more this day means to me.

I belong to a family of citizen soldiers, the ones who enlist or are drafted, serve in a time of war, and then return home to their family and live the rest of their lives as civilians, regular contributing citizens. I am grateful to God for my country and for my family:

For Benjamin C. who served in the Revolutionary War,
For Eli C. who served in the Civil War,
For my father-in-law Charles R. who served in WW I,
For my father, Robert J., my uncle Jimmy J., my brothers-in-law, Wallace R., Charley R., Bob R., Gordon R., Edwin G., and other in-laws, George G, and Theresa M, who served in WW II,
For my husband, Fred R., who served in Korea,
For my brother, Dan J., cousins Ralph R. and Terry M., and many friends who served in Viet Nam,
For my son, Ben G., who served in the 1st Iraq War,
And for the families who loved them, prayed for them, and welcomed them back home, some of them bearing internal and external wounds of war.

I hate war above almost all things; I believe that war is the ultimate failure of a nation, that we have failed ourselves and our God every time we go to war. And yet, I have the highest respect for every one of those who have served our country so ably. I cannot quite be a pacifist when I believe that this world demands that we keep a strong defense. I am profoundly thankful for our Citizen Soldiers!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Gray Saturday in May

It has been overcast and rainy here for what seems like weeks. At least, we are getting our overdue Spring rains, but the gray skies are doing a number on my mood. I am just kind of blah and irritable. Just ask Tex!

Our really good caregiver for the last 6 months or so has now become highly erratic, so we are having a progression of caregivers coming in and out while we wait to see if she can get her act together. I hope she does because when she is good, she is really great with Tex, I can find things in the house, and our schedule goes smoothly. With other people, I have to train them, keep checking on things, etc. At least I am reminded why I pay an agency so that there will always be someone here with him. Of course, all the end of the semester activity keeps me extra busy at this time of the year also.

I find that I am very conflicted about both retiring and keeping on working. I truly enjoy my interactions with the students, feel that I am contributing to their education and to some of them personally. On the other hand, I find that I am less tolerant of the normal accountability procedures and fuss at them more than is necessary. Working is also my ongoing way to get out of the house and get more social interaction than I have when I am home with Tex. So, I have pretty much decided to keep on one year at a time. I plan to work at least for one more year so that I have my 10 years in with The Great University, which has been my goal all along.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Post Easter

Easter was lovely...lovely music, lovely flowers, lovely rain, and both sides of family. After doing it all, Tex and I came home and took long naps! Then I finished the taxes on Monday evening-- first time I have done our own taxes since Tex and I were married! Many thanks to our dear friend Judy for helping me along.

Today I took a day off, and what a beautiful day! Best of all we went to the Men's Drygoods Store and got Tex some new dress duds. Hooray!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Maundy Thursday Mishaps

We got the Littlest Cowpoke yesterday after his school let out early for Easter Weekend. Private schools can do that...I sure wish they had let my kids' public school out then. I always had to write a note and sometimes talk to the principal when I pulled them out for Good Friday!

Anyway, the plan was that Tex and L. C. could play outside on the MES swingset during choir practice and Tex could sit with LC (complete with new drawing materials) during the Maundy Thursday service. The best laid plans of Socialworker went awry. All the wildfires in Oklahoma, and West Texas sent their smoke to our neck of the woods. Thus, neither LC nor Tex could be outside at all. Couldn't leave them alone at home because LC would not be where I could watch him, and Tex can't supervise him alone at home. So, long story short, I had to miss the church service and watch, in order to keep my men safe and without respiratory problems. Darn!

You would think that I would be grateful that the fires were far away and had not, to our knowledge, caused any fatalities...and I am, but still I whine about missing my favorite Easter week service. God protect the firefighters and those whose property was lost and those in danger.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Things are Swimming!

What a great conference in Atlanta! Things went swimmingly-- airplanes on time, wonderful workshops in which I learned new stuff, plus a visit to the new Atlanta Acquarium, where the fish are swimming. Tex did very well while I was gone which is always a great relief. It rained a lot there but to this drought-plagued Texan, that in itself was delightful!

Back home, beautiful music to learn for Easter. I am enjoying being back in the choir after about a 4 year absence, due to T's illness. He actually is doing well enough for me to sing again, which I very much enjoy doing. And only aout 5 more weeks to this semester, hurrah, hurrah.

Monday, March 30, 2009

More Good News

Going to Atlanta tomorrow to attend what has always been a wonderful conference! Tex is being covered by Bird Girl, Always Special Friend/Neighbor and our Terrific Caregiver. All should be well.

Wonderful news from my friend Elastigirl who went down to Capitol City with us a couple of years ago when three of us descended on Lawyer Girl... Here is her post this afternoon:

"The interview went very well - this will be a short post - I promise more will follow later... I discerned that it was going well when the Bishop had not only informed me of the job opening he would like to see me fill, but was actively searching the ordination canons for how to proceed...God is Good!!"

This is one ordination I wouldn't miss for anything!"

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Happy News

It is a beautiful spring day here in North Texas. Lots of sunshine, flowers, green new leaves etc. And we have good news at the R&R Ranch. Bud and the BDIL have found out that they are having another little buckeroo, much to the unhappiness of the Littlest Cowpoke who had really, really wanted a baby sister. All of the rest of us are quite pleased. Baby Buckaroos are so sweet and have the most kissable little heads! Also Virus Researcher/Scientist got a really BIG grant approved so he should stick around Capitol City, Tejas,which means Lawyer Girl will too. Congratulations are due all around! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Back from Missouri

I enjoyed my quick trip to Missouri where I found my cousin to be more depressed and less tremor-y than I expected. (The tremors are less severe but more constant.) Most heartwarming is the tender care from her husband. Despite the deep depression, even she has noticed it. Most of all, I am tremendously dismayed over the medical care she has gotten. They cut her level of anti-depressant to a dose that would not impact a mouse! She just sits and stares at TV during the day. My priest said that suicide could be described as "death by depression." If the depression is not dealt with, how can she get any better? Meanwhile her husband is trying hard to find services for her in that rural part of Missouri and has an appointment for her with a neuro-psychiatrist in a couple of weeks. Please continue to pray for Elaine and Terry.

The trip made me even more appreciative than ever to be married to Tex. His medical problems are more severe than my cousin's but he was not born with the "depression" gene as are so many in my family. His positive attitude toward life is a great gift and blessing to me.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Spring Break

I love spring break! I got all the stuff in for the audit which takes place next Tuesday. But this Tuesday I am flying to Missouri to see my cousin. I am delighted that she is there for me to see. Wish me luck and say a prayer that I can reassure her that she is loved no matter what.
What is more--I actually have daffodils coming up and blooming in my yard, along with the flowering pear tree. Hooray!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Spring Thoughts

It is a glorious spring day, one of Texas very best weather offerings. The temp is in the high 70's-low 80's, sstrong southern winds, white flowering trees everywhere you look, some of my bulbs have actually poked their heads up (amazingly, for I have a very black thumb) and my pear tree is in glorious bloom.

I have already written the annual report that I thought might take me all day! Now, I just have two classes worth exams and papers to grade this weekend. No problem!

Moira, my niece had a 5lb 11 oz baby boy this week, her 2nd. All is well and mother and baby are doing well. The Beautiful Daughter-in-law's pregnancy is progressing nicely, and we should know what sex the baby is by the end of the month. Tex is doing his favorite Saturday morning thing--sleeping! But it is time to get him up and fix his favorite breakfast-sweet rolls.

I think it is time to call Lawyer Girl and visit with her. I love our Saturday morning chats!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Cold morning

After a week of warm weather, we had a "Texas blue norther" blow in. Freezing temps with a strong cold wind which makes the clouds look blue-gray. Ah, I'm glad to have typical winter weather back, although the blooming pear and plum trees are going to be pretty miffed.

Also in the way of good news, my cousin survived and was transported to an out of town psychiatric hospital where they are actually treating her depression and tremors simultaneously! Evidently, that never occurred to her docs in the little Missouri town where she lives... I find that I am very angry, a little at my cousin but very little, and a lot at the docs who thought they could get her off anti-depressants without treating her tremors. Her neurologist is out of town until May!
I am concerned that her speech problems indicate some brain damage, though, although I think speech therapy can help out a lot with that.

There have been several good long conversations with her husband, who is being an absolute rock throughout all of this, thoughtful, loving, and absolutely aware of his own reactions. What a hard time for the whole family. I appreciate the prayers for Elaine, Terry, and Kelly as well as for our family. It is amazing what the prescence of support does!

Monday, February 23, 2009


Please pray HARD for my cousin Elaine, her husband Terry, and her daughter Kelly. Elaine is in an ICU bed fighting for a life she is pretty sure she does not want. She has struggled with depression for many years, complicated by severe tremors of the head and arms. Her local doctors have pretty much given up on being able to help her so she tried to help herself out of this life. She took a 3-month supply of pills all at once. She is just kind of holding her own at this time.

This is my beautiful sister/cousin who believes in God and in Jesus but is no longer able to stand the pain of her life. All of our lives, Elaine and I have seemed to live parallel lives, ones in which we understood each other better than anyone else on earth. We named our daughters for each other, dealt with depressions at the same time, even cut our hair in the same style at the same time although we lived thousands of miles apart. Even though we did not always make the same choices, we always understood how it was that the other made that choice.

Elaine is a precious, precious child of God who feels like she has no hope in this life. Please pray that she is surrounded by love and hope. I have noticed in this life that sometimes we have to hold the hope for those who feel that there is none.
Please God, bless my Lanie! Bless my Lanie! Bless Lanie!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

20 Years Ago

It has been 20 years since I met the Native Texan who has so transformed my life! I really can not believe that time could go by so quickly. We married 19 years ago on this coming Tuesday. Little did I know 20 years ago today that my life was going to change in such a profound and wonderful way. Despite the ups and downs of illness, job woes, etc., he still keeps on truckin' and keeps on loving the people in his life in such a magical fashion. Tex's health may be fragile, but his spirit is strong and vital; and he blesses my life each and every day.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Ice Day!

The Big Ice Storm hit the R&R Ranch. The Great University cancelled my classes yesterday, which was bad for the lesson planning but kind of good for the soul. Since our area does not invest in ice&snow equiptment the whole area shuts down for bad weather. I got to go have a leisurely visit with a neighbor down the street, and only fell down once! Skinned knee, but easily worth the price. This morning the ice is worse but supposed to go away during the day. I don't have any classes scheduled today but need to prepare for tomorrow's. Oh well, if I can't get in today, I'll just have to get up really early tomorrow.

Today is the day that my Dear Friend/Neighbor comes over for coffee so I had better get it made!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Thoughts while walking

Well, the first week of school is over. It went pretty well although the Great University expects me to fit 29 students into a room with only 23 chairs! So I had students sitting on the floor - of course, they say they will move more chairs in by next week...

I got a lovely friends tag from Elastigirl which I would love to put on my website, if only I could figure out how. Thanks, EG.

We have had high 70's/low 80's temperatures in Texas in January...very weird! But as I took a walk this morning I was able to contemplate the reality of Love. I hope that my children know that God loves them exactly as they are right now, that they don't have to do anything to earn it. This took me a long time to learn. I know now that love is a free gift that can never be earned-my life with Tex taught me that. The only thing I can do in return is to be appreciative and grateful for it. Some love lasts forever and some love can be killed over time. The love that lasts is to be treasured and the love that dims or dies is to be appreciated for the gifts and lessons that it brought. But the only thing that makes us truly happy is the love that we give and are given.

These are not new or original thoughts but they are life-giving ones when truly absorbed.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


In Fr. Court's sermon on the Lord's calling to Samuel, he said that God calls out to us as well. It reminded me that as I lay in bed yesterday before rising in the morning I had said "Be it unto me...etc." Maybe all that weirdness was the Lord saying quite loudly, "Don't go." Ya think?

Weird Day

For some reason yesterday morning I could not go to the memorial service/wake for my Ex. I woke up yesterday morning fully intending to drive to Austin for the event. I was dizzy, had a peculiarly flat affect, started packing, went to get Tex up, and had one of the strangest emotional meltdowns I have had since leaving my 2's. I ended up being able to talk some with the ever-patient, ever-loving Tex who helped me clarify it a little bit. Talked to my kids, then spent the morning curled up in my chair, and later going back to bed. I woke up about 4 PM and felt quite ok. It was not a grief reaction for the Ex, although I'm not quite sure what it was. Something about not being willing to put myself through any more pain, both physical and emotional? The sobbing might have been a grief reaction for myself? All I know is that it was powerful with a capital P!

God bless Tex for loving me through one of the weirder days of my life; God bless my kids who were understanding. God bless Ex for helping me create and raise these two fabulous grown-up children, moving me to Texas, and divorcing me so that I could marry the most truly loving man that anyone could ever hope for.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Socialworker's Extreme Home Mess

Painting, painting, painting!!! I remember why I never do do-it-yourself projects in my home...without fail, I come up against something that defeats me, my total ignorance. Tried to start painting the entry wall on Friday but discovered (1) the paint looked cherry red on the wall, no, no, NO! and (2) the wallpaper design showed through. Well, most of you have heard of putting down a primer coat before, but not moi. Then, I was introduced to spackle... Needless to say, several trips back to the hardware store and I have new supplies and new friends in the Paint Department. I will try to actually make some progress on this tonight and tomorrow. Say lots of prayers for me, please!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Mercury is in Retrograde

This has been kind of a frustrating week! Got caught in a HUGE traffic jam trying to go to work; then the elevator got stuck; caregiver who is normally absolutely reliable has been late twice this week, etc. etc. etc. As my friend Sara would say, "Mercury is in retrograde!" I don't believe in astrology but something is going on! Maybe God just wants me to slow down and listen to him instead of trying to be so darn busy, ya' think?

Tex is doing very well at the moment. We are starting on a new round of MD visits, which are time-consuming and accomplish very little. The latest neurologist has tentatively diagnosed Tex as having 'PSP" form on Parkinsonism, as if it would make any difference in his treatment. What we do know is that he is ever so much better than he was 3 years ago. Hurrah!

Since we have the beautiful wood floor in I have become motivated to paint in several rooms of the house. So I am starting on the front wall of the living room tomorrow to make it an accent wall, then on to the kitchen and my bathroom. . Maybe my small spurt of creativity will keep me out of trouble? I doubt it!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year 2009

I do not have anything profound to say for this New Year's morning. No resolutions to keep or break. Just some wishes.
I wish for good health for all the Jessup/Griffiths/Rozell clan.
I wish for strength, wisdom, and good humor for myself as I go through the good life God has given me.
I wish for Bud and BDIL and the Littlest Cowpoke a healthy, happy Itty Bitty Cowpoke/ette?
I wish for our country that we turn into a deeply caring nation who uses our resources to help ourselves and the world become a better place for all of God's people.
In fact, I really do wish for peace on earth, good will to women (that is a term that includes men).